2018 CHICAGO BEARS PRE-PRESEASON SEASON PREVIEW REVUE PREVIEW

To all two (maybe?) of my loyal readers, I’d like to apologize in advance, but we all knew this day would come. The preseason position-by-position breakdown is the pinnacle of sports nerd tedium, yet it is somehow required by an unspoken, sacred code. (R.I.P. Master Tatsu) We do it because we are compelled. But I guess it serves some sort of purpose, to let us step back and figure out what we’re working with (or against) and have some expectation for the upcoming season. This, of course, will immediately be proven wrong as players accumulate horrifying injuries and you learn that every college football nerd thinks their team’s guys are “ready to contribute immediately, ” even though maybe twenty guys out of the whole draft actually are. This is all fucking nonsense, and that’s why you have to try and make it entertaining.

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The Good, the Bad, and the Horror: 1990-2017 Chicago Bears All-Time Team

INTRODUCTION: We all knew when this thing started so many days ago that it would eventually break down into an endless series of long, boring position-by-position breakdowns. So I’m just going to go ahead and begin the latest in my life’s long and unending series of online projects that I’ll never finish, which is the ULTIMATE POSITION-BY-POSITION BREAKDOWN. A position-by-position breakdown so vast, it’s actually four position-by-position breakdowns rolled into one. A position-by-position breakdown too large for a single blog post; a position-by-position breakdown to both please and horrify the gods themselves. My god, it will be beautiful. Of course, I’ll never finish it.

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