So, here we are, just a few minutes into the new year, and if you’re reading this, I can only assume you’re one of maybe five or six people, because lately, that’s about all that ever comes here. Sure, I can blame that on the fact that ChamberGates blew up my old website and I had to start over with this one, but the truth is, it was down to about that many for most of the last couple years anyway. So how did this happen, when I at least had hundreds of folks coming here at late as ’05 or so? Easy. Even though I actually pay actual money for this stuff, never actually do anything with it. Seriously. The big Terrible Violence “launch,” for lack of a better term was in July. And there have only been seven posts since then. Seven. And in the wake of football season, have I been devoting my efforts to representing the Chicago Bears over at Armchair Linebacker instead? Nope. Six posts in that time. So there I was, all thinking, “oh hey, a new website and a new beginning or whatever,” just knew I was going to retake the internet by storm, just like I somehow convinced myself I had done around 2001 or so, and in the end, all I did was discover that the biggest lying scoundrel in my life was the internet version of me. But friends, (or just friend, in case the other five people have quit coming here by now…) that is all about to change. For today, I am launching the Terrible Violence Dot Com ONE HUNDRED DAYS OF SOMETHING Initiative.
Like this, but with more dinosaurs.
So what is this? It’s a challenge. A challenge to see that if I won’t update and maintain a site regularly of my own free will, maybe I can do it if I’m forced to do so. Basically, I intend to do something on here every single day between now (January 1, duh) and 100 days from now on March 8, 2012. Granted, it won’t be a giant full-fledged article or whatever every single time, because let’s face it, sites that can do that have more than one guy doing everything and are actually somehow making money, rather than just losing it at a rate of ten bucks a month, which is what I do. So screw you for thinking I would do that, greedy. So maybe it’ll be a whole big thing, maybe it’ll be a link to something I did at Armchair Linebacker, maybe it’ll be just a few quick, hopefully amusing sentences, or maybe it’ll just be a picture of an interesting guinea pig I found or something. But that’s the key word; it’ll be something, which is better than nothing, you know?
LOOKIT DIS FUCCIN GUINEA PIG
So, that’s it, right? I tell you, the fine people (or again, possibly person) of the internet that I’ll do this, and I’m bound by honor to do it right? Nope. You see, as a lying scoundrel, I have no internally-based honor to be bound by, and that’s where you guys come in. Left to my own devices, I’d just post three times, forget the whole thing, and rest easily, knowing that I don’t give half a crap about you white people. So you all out there have got to force me to see this thing to completion. And since I know it’s not a case of the world not being able to get enough of my genius wit and wrestling references, you’re going to be doing it for fabulous prizes. So here’s how it’s gonna go down:
I’m going to post something every day for 100 days. If I skip a day, as in nothing has been uploaded before midnight, (more realistically 8pm, due to the job schedule, but midnight is more official-sounding) your task is to call me out on my bullshit in the comments of the most recent blog post, including your email address in the comment. (don’t worry, I have to moderate the comments before they appear, so I can edit that part out before the spambots can get their robotic claws on it) Then, I’ll send you an email, asking for whatever information is necessary to send you your prize, as in which one do you want, and where do I send it if it’s an actual physical object. And then, you get something, that hopefully you’ll enjoy as much as you would have enjoyed the blog post I didn’t do. But there are RULES: First, only the FIRST person to call me out gets something for that day. So a hundred people can’t show up and break me because I skipped Valentine’s Day or whatever. Just one potential winner per day, and if I do make a post or something, that winner is me. Second, you can only win once. So if you win something on Valentine’s Day and then swoop down like a vulture when I have better things to do than than get all internetty on Leap Day, you swine, you can’t win again. Third, people I physically know in real life aren’t eligible. Because if you want some of my stuff, you can just ask to borrow it or whatever, for real, I’m right over here. Fourth, if no one calls me out before the next blog post happens, you don’t win shit. So if I manage to do 98 Days of Something, and no one said anything on a day I missed, you can’t go back a month later and say something, cheater. Jesus. Fifth, reposting old Web Surf Nicaragua stuff isn’t going to count toward the 100 Days. It already exists, and would just be kind of shitty and cheating. But for real, that stuff will trickle in eventually. Sixth, two posts in one day only counts as one day being covered. So if I get on a roll one day and go two or three times, I’m still screwed if I miss the next day. Seventh, if I ever think “oh snap, I should have made another rule for that,” I totally will. I’m kinda sleepy, and I’m sure I’m forgetting something vital that I should be typing here. So whenever I realize what that is, I’m seriously going to just edit it into this post. What? You’re not paying for this, jerks.
I’ve taken kind of a mean tone with this, so here are more adorable rodents.
So, what are these fabulous prizes that you could be winning by capitalizing on my failure? I, uh, don’t know yet. I have a couple ideas, but nothing is certain. I’ll let you know tomorrow, and since this post right here is going to count for Day One of Something, it won’t be cheating to do so, since it’ll still just be one day. (See Rule #6) So yeah, you’ll know sometime tomorrow. I’m cheap, so football cards and DVDs that I have more than one copy of might get involved. Who knows. Anyway, Happy New Year, let the One Hundred Days of Something begin, and to balance out all the fuzzy little animals, here’s an S.O.D. video. Good night, folks.
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