– I’ve decided that “Dick Lipschitz” is the funniest name I could ever possibly make up.
– I hate myself, so every time Kevin Smith puts out a spoken word DVD, I check it out either through illegal means or seeing if it’s streaming on Netflix. And every time, they always have shots of the dorks lined up to get into the show, all rocking their $100 movie-themed hockey jerseys and/or trench coats, and just raving on and on about how they love his movies, because “the characters talk the way me and my friends talk!” Bullshit. No one who talks like that would have any friends. Think of your best friend in the world, whoever that may be. Now, imagine that all of a sudden, every conversation you had with them managed to break down into either Star Wars references, talk of two dudes blowing each other, or two Star Wars dudes blowing each other. You would block them from your cell phone, delete them from all your social media-type websites, and never, ever speak to them again.
– A deer dedicates its entire life to avoiding predators. It moves silently and carefully, watching, listening and smelling for any wolves, coyotes, bears or Allosauruses that might be nearby, ready to bolt for safety if anything even slightly reminds it of any of those things. As a result, its predators all have to be pretty stealthy, making sure that nothing knows where they are until they’re right on top of it. Seriously, there could be an Allosaurus behind you right now. But the deer is good at avoiding this sort of fate, because obviously, they aren’t extinct yet. So a deer can avoid lurking monsters that do everything in their power to avoid detection, relying on carefully chosen hiding places and/or the element of surprise. So why do they have so much trouble avoiding a car, which is the equivalent of a big-ass bear that only travels in a straight line in a clearly marked path that it never leaves, making loud noises and emitting bright light the entire time? It’s a mystery. Skunks and opossums at least have the excuse of being complete dumbasses.