It’s good to know that so far in my nearly thirty-two years, I’ve never had to use the phrase “you should have killed me when you had the chance” in a serious conversation. Only time will tell, though.
I’ve looked through the search terms that bring people to this here Terrible Violence place, and I’ve learned a few somewhat disturbing things. First, the things people search for are rarely things that truly have anything to do with the actual content of the site. Second, most of the hits are from people just looking for stuff with Google Image Search. Third, even in this SOPAPILLA age, a lot of you are still trolling blogs for your ilegal download needs. Also, a lot of you are looking to illegally download Diabolus in Musica by Slayer, meaning you basically have no taste in Slayer albums. Lastly, WordPress’s and HostGator’s site stats must filter out anything related to porn and just file it under “unknown search terms,” because I swear to Allah, the last time I ran a site with any sort of traffic, all you sick freaks came looking for was either naked pictures of female pro wrestling personalities, pictures of incest in an endlessly bizarre array of permutations, or ways to make Slipknot masks. And now that I think about it, I’ve probably just quadrupled my traffic by putting all those words into a sentence. So in the interest of creating… interest, I’m now going to just toss out a bunch of words that should ensure my place at the top of the internet food chain: Free download bootleg Mediafire Rapidshare Megaupload torrents Justin Bieber nude spaghetti naked celebrity nipple boobs butts Chuck Norris giant wild hogs Tim Tebow anal Satan hamburger recipes penis. Now, on to step three of my plan, which is profit.
I live right across the street from a school for deaf kids, and you’d think it would be quiet around here, what with all the sign language and all, but you’d be wrong. I swear, every now and then, deaf people must get this urge to just howl like the screams of the damned for no good reason. I bet I’m going to hell just for noticing that.
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