Monthly Archives: January 2012

Brandon-Meriweather-and-his-hatSqueaking in right under the 100 Days of Something deadline. HA! Anyway, read it all here.

Sentinel Beast - Depths of DeathLaaz Rockit - Know Your Enemy
Gammacide - Victims of Science

I’m not sure how the term got into my head, but I’ve decided that “force majeure” would have been a good name for an album by some third-tier thrash metal band in 1987.

nice costume, guy

I was thinking about the movie Avatar today, and thought of something that no one ever talks about, as opposed to how the special effects were insane or how it’s a 22nd century remake of Dances With Wolves. So like, the Na’vi were these blue-ass cat people running around in the forest, pretty much naked, like 24/7 or whatever the equivalent of hours and days are on that planet. And they’ve got fur all over them. Man, I bet those folks were just absolutely crawling with parasites of every kind. Us humans can’t spend ten minutes in tall grass without having to deal with red bugs or ticks or chiggers or whatever, and we don’t have all that fur that’s really hospitable to tiny crawly things, and they were out there all the damn time. Makes you wonder if there would be quite so much disturbing Avatar fans on the internet or “sexy” Halloween costumes in stores out there if people ever stopped to think that everyone in that movie was probably going to die relatively young from heart worms.

I couldn't find a picture of the ones like I have to wear

Want to make God laugh? Try to tie your shoes in a giant freezer while wearing two pairs of gloves.

Java“The humans, they have things. Many things. And they are all for eating. And they are all for me.

CON SALSALike these unopened cans of cat food. I will eat them.

spaghettiAnd this plate of spaghetti. I will eat it as well.

fancyAnd these delicious shoes.

it's an original karl farbmanAnd this furniture.

ALLL I HAD I GAAAAVVVEEEEAnd this crowbar.

Snow leopardsAnd these leopards.

They were all brought to this place by these humans, specifically so I can devour them. This is why I have not yet eaten the humans. Not yet.”

George McCaskeyI just typed up what might have been the most hateful, profanity-laced thing I’ve ever placed on the internet, and you can read it all at Armchair Linebacker. Please forgive me, even though I will never forgive Mike Martz.

Hello. Yes. This... Is dog.“This house has stood for over fifty years, they tell me. And certainly, the front yard has been here for much longer than that. And I know. I know deep down in my soul that at some point in the last fifty years, there has been another dog in this yard. And if I can only just sniff this one three square-inch section of it for another seventeen minutes… I will find him.”

I AM THE TABLEI could have just posted this picture and called it good, but I’m on this whole new “effort” kick.

 So, as you might have guess from the blackness of the page you’re looking at, the repeated mentions of Satan, and the Motörhead font that I forgot to use lowercase letters with for the site logo, I’m really into the heavy metal. Or at least I was, until they kept changing what heavy metal was, and it kept getting shittier and shittier, but that’s a whole ‘nother post that I’ll probably never do entirely. But anyway, back when what was new and relevant was still a thing I gave a crap or two about, there would occasionally be these moments. These horrifying moments in time when you knew that a band you loved (or at least tolerated) had really screwed the pooch, and either they had dug a hole too deep to ever emerge from, or by the time people forgave them, it would be too late. Here are some of those moments. Those times When Heavy Metal Goes Wrong. (more…)

So, here we are, just a few minutes into the new year, and if you’re reading this, I can only assume you’re one of maybe five or six people, because lately, that’s about all that ever comes here. Sure, I can blame that on the fact that ChamberGates blew up my old website and I had to start over with this one, but the truth is, it was down to about that many for most of the last couple years anyway.  So how did this happen, when I at least had hundreds of folks coming here at late as ’05 or so? Easy. Even though I actually pay actual money for this stuff,  never actually do anything with it. Seriously. The big Terrible Violence “launch,” for lack of a better term was in July. And there have only been seven posts since then. Seven. And in the wake of football season, have I been devoting my efforts to representing the Chicago Bears over at Armchair Linebacker instead? Nope. Six posts in that time. So there I was, all thinking, “oh hey, a new website and a new beginning or whatever,” just knew I was going to retake the internet by storm, just like I somehow convinced myself I had done around 2001 or so, and in the end, all I did was discover that the biggest lying scoundrel in my life was the internet version of me. But friends, (or just friend, in case the other five people have quit coming here by now…) that is all about to change. For today, I am launching the Terrible Violence Dot Com ONE HUNDRED DAYS OF SOMETHING Initiative. (more…)